I received my first semi-snotty, potentially rude anonymous commenter a couple of weeks ago. Typically I wouldn’t care, I would probably relish in it. Any real blogger has their fair share of rude comments. But this one I took personally and it made me really angry.
isn't it a bit early to be pressing for a ring already?????? you guys just got together! be careful....
I put my life on the internet. I am asking to me judged. I will never deny you your opinion, but I feel as though I must address this:
I am 29 years old. I started dating my first real, official boyfriend when I was 16. I have been going through the trials and tribulations of dating and the inner workings of relationships for 13 years. I am currently on my 8th serious boyfriend and my 10th sexual partner.
I have had purely sexual relationships and purely platonic relationships and every variation in between.
I have dated men from one day to three years. I’ve been the dumper, I’ve been the dumpee. I’ve had my heart broken and done the same to boys as well. I have walked away from physical abuse. I have cried in front of an ex in a casket. I have gone through the bitter, jaded phase. I have gone through the hopeless romantic phase. I have learned how to appreciate the good things and avoid the bad.
I am, by far, not a naïve little pumpkin in need of your feeble warnings and back-handed advice.
Yesterday was our four month anniversary. We have been discussing marriage for 2 ½ months already. We have known since a month in that this was “IT.” He is my ONE. And I am “THE” one for him as well. We are each other’s lobsters:
(Don’t take that light hearted moment to think I’m not still pissed.)
The Teacher makes me happier, by far, than any other man has ever made me. I have never once even remotely felt that I am compromising what I want or who I am in this relationship. Our senses of humor, our ideals, our morals, our opinions all mesh so perfectly it is actually a little crazy. I never knew that this was possible.
So for the anonymous nay-sayer out there who just thinks that I am a wedding crazy female and I’m just going to scare him away, or whatever it is that you are trying to say while hiding behind an anonymous face, I appreciate your concern but…shove it. (And learn to capitalize while your are at it.)
Let me try to remember...Let's see, I've had a couple nice anonymouse commenters, which has been refreshing.
Do you think you would have been as offended/irritated if the commenter had not been anonymous? If that had been a post on my blog, and the comment had come from a regular commenter with a name attached, I probably would just tell them we have our eyes wide open, and they don't need to worry about me.
I was surprised myself when I read that ring post, because I knew it was a new relationship, but I promise I was not the anonymous commenter. I figured you know the context better than we do, obviously, and if it had freaked your boyfriend out, you probably wouldn't have written about it. It's nice that you shared the back story, though (about how you guys feel, not about the anonycomment). That story gives me hope. I wonder often if I let someone good for me slip away by not giving it enough time, but I really feel like I should feel SOME indication of it being right from the start. Even if it's not "I'm going to marry this guy," there should be SOMETHING there right away, right? Something that should feel different and tell me this one's for real? That's what you're telling me with this story, and it's comforting. Thanks. :-)
I have to agree with what you said, Duchess. Screw the naysayers. You know what makes you happy, just go for it. Be like the Sprite commercial. Image is nothing, love is everything.
I completely agree with you Dutchess. Just shows how cowardly that person is to hide behind the anonymous name. I've never been in a position where a relationship went longer than several months, but I guess if you know you know. Even though you share your life with us, and choose to, we will still never know the little details that you do which make it so special. To the person who made the moronic comment--piss off.
My comment was from concern! I am someone familiar with the Dutchess from kickball. I have read her blog and notice she has been very anxious for a relationship in the past. I just expressed heart felt concern for a good person by musing now that you have the relationship, why not just enjoy it? I wish you both all the best and was just a concerned onlooker who has learned to capitalize and did not want to see a friend get hurt!
Like I was saying on another blog the other day, I think there's just a group of anonymous commenters out there who swoop in like locusts just for the sake of destruction.
And I almost feel like I'm on eggshells since I haven't gotten any bad anonymous comments since the last time I got hit. And that's why comment moderation is a beautiful thing, except that I'd still see the comment and it would hurt.
I haven't had any anonymous comments yet--my blog isn't big enough. Well, sometimes my parents post anonymously because they have no idea how to set up accounts, but that's a different story altogether. It does irk me when I see anons on other blogs--I really think that if you are too ashamed to put your name to something, then you shouldn't write it at all.
Oh girl, if that's the rudest comment you get, be thankful. I've had way worse than that. I am completely new here, but I've come to realize that anonymous commenters are usually just reflecting their own experiences and opinions with little to no knowledge of you at all. To me, four months does seem quick, but it's not like I didn't "know" after just two weeks that my then-boyfriend would be my husband. For the record, we didn't discuss marriage at all, but we were basically living together after 3 months and he proposed after 8 months. Like I said, I'm new, so I don't know if "pushing" is the right word the commenter should've used, but regardles, if/when you get engaged - even after just two weeks like my grandparents did - then you should be congratulated. Hell, I'm going to congratulate you just for coming out and saying you've found the one - ring or not! That's always good to hear.
Thank you for this post. I don't normally comment, but you really touched a nerve. I recently had an attack of hate comments. Big attack, like 6 or 7 with each of them several paragraphs long. It was incredibly hurtful. I know I put it out there when I blog and I welcome (respectful) difference of opinion because I appreciate the opportunity to learn or at least look at things from a different viewpoint. When it's just mean to be mean it's so hurtful. I'm sorry the hate comments found your blog as well. Keep blogging, I love reading you and I'm really pulling for you and your lobster.
As much as people have the right to post their anonymous comments, so do you have the right to retaliate. i think that people automatically assume that women fall into a swooning state with no sense when they meet a man.
Guess what?
We learn quite early in our lives when to swoon, when to slow down and when to stop.
Wow - I don't know where people come off. You know how you feel and that's all that matters. :)Screw them.
(I hate anonymous comments - it's like they're so scared but brave enough to hide behind a "mask". If you need to say something then at least have the balls to show yourself. You know? Grr!)
I have been with J for 8 years but it doesn't matter because we knew from the moment that we started dating that we were going to get married. We only waited so long because we had to graduate from college and other various practical reasons.
When you know, you know. Time does not make it any more "secure".
My comment just got eaten. Ugh.
Let me try to remember...Let's see, I've had a couple nice anonymouse commenters, which has been refreshing.
Do you think you would have been as offended/irritated if the commenter had not been anonymous? If that had been a post on my blog, and the comment had come from a regular commenter with a name attached, I probably would just tell them we have our eyes wide open, and they don't need to worry about me.